Antidepressants.

There are five words that have managed my joy and insufficiency; Amitriptyline, Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, Celexa. Five antidepressants since I was strong-minded to have depression and anxiety. For a long time, I have needed to settle on the mindful choice to take that pill a few times per day, consistently, or to take my risks with no chemical amongst me and my tension inclined mind.

To somebody who has never experienced what it resembles to live with a mental illness, the topic of whether to take antidepressants may appear like an insignificant one. Taking a pill for a mental illness is extraordinarily unique in relation to taking an Advil when you have a headache. Taking Prozac or Celexa is a confirmation of the way that there are parts of your mind that you are not totally responsible for, and that is frightening.

Regardless I don’t know how I feel about taking medicine for depression and anxiety. I can go a large portion of a year taking a similar pill and choose to quit taking it when I all of a sudden begin having high anxiety day by day and for reasons I could just perceive as unnatural when I stopped the medication. Then again, I can go a while without taking any medicine until the point that I falter and fall into a pit of discouragement.

The choice to take antidepressants would be so straightforward if the drugs dependably had the impacts they were made to and didn’t cause symptoms more awful than what you’re endeavoring to cure. Drugs have influenced me to feel like a mobile zombie with no scope of feeling. They have influenced me to feel deadened and my written work exhaust. On the other hand, they have helped me to take control of my discouraged and restless contemplations.

Certain antidepressants have helped me through troublesome purposes of my life, however there have additionally been a few solutions that I never filled in light of the fact that the conditions simply didn’t feel right. My recommendation to those looking for help for mental illness is to confide in your own judgment, and also the beliefs of your support systems. In spite of the fact that you may feel unstable, it is critical that you get the correct help, and no one but you can confirm that for yourself.

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Who are you?

Finding out who you are is a journey that doesn’t end, everyone must go through it. It’s filled with roller coasters, roadblocks, and even a shortcut or two, but there will always be more ahead of you. Discovering yourself and being more in tune with your own mind and body can be extremely frustrating when something doesn’t line up the exact way it’s supposed to or when you just can’t find the right word to describe a certain aspect of who you are. It’s important to be aware of the fact that in time, everybody grows. You are not the same person you were when you were 13, and how you are right now isn’t the person you will be when you’re 70. So if you find yourself in your room at 3 a.m., lost in thoughts racing through your head trying to figure out who you are and what’s going on in your life, just know that you aren’t alone in this journey. It may seem like it at that moment when it’s silent and you’re left alone to your thoughts, but everyone has had their share of 3 a.m. introspection. If you don’t find the answer you’re looking for in the middle of night. Waking up early morning, don’t be discouraged. You don’t have to know every detail right now. It’s okay to not have an answer to a question someone asks you and it is okay to admit that you’re still trying to find what fits who you are.

Wanting to trust you’re enough but not feeling it!

Individuals reading this that know me, may think: Is she crazy? That girl has everything going for her. To me, I don’t see my accomplishments. I only see my failures. It’s because of this old, friend of mine named Anxiety. What you get is a mask formed into a smile. When I’m around others, I’m kind. I keep talks on the positive end. The pain is still there, and is an itch I can’t scratch until I’m alone. When I’m alone, the mask comes off. I try to escape the darkness, but it sucks me in again like a black hole. I’ve been living a life to make others happy. I’m a people pleaser. It’s a talent of mine. I follow guidelines and am a “teacher’s pet” because it feels safe. I try not to care about what others think of me, but I crave their approval because I need it to survive. I feel that I will never be good enough for other people, especially myself, so I strive towards perfection. I know too well that perfection is unattainable, but I break my back reaching for it. I second guess everything I do, not because I’m cautious, but because I have a fear of failure. I’m detail-oriented because I need to know the answer to everything due to a paranoia of uncertainty. In public, it’s become a forte to blend in because I want to avoid rejection at all costs. I’m indecisive because I overthink everything, and I must sleep on things or lose sleep over things. It’s easy to put on a show and pretend I have control over my life. I act like I don’t care, but I care too much. I act like I’m sure of everything, but I’m totally unsure. I act like I believe in myself, but I’m the one who belittles me the most. It’s mind-boggling that I have these two sides to myself. One is the angel on the right shoulder, and the other is the devil on the left.

Finding God.

My parents grew up one being Baptist and the other being Methodist. So, they decided to make me nondenominational. It was your typical go to church every Sunday, have worship, listen to the sermon, then back home the family went. I was baptized my freshmen year of college. I grew up knowing of God, but did I really know Him? With my god-family, we would all attend church every Sunday morning. I read my bible and prayed. I knew that I was doing this because I wanted to be closer to God, and to have a relationship with Him. But I never felt that I had Him on my side. For some people that routine is what led them to be closer to God, that wasn’t the case for me at all.

By the time that summer had come, I stopped going to church regularly and looking back, at the moment, it did not affect me. I never questioned why I stopped going, I began to stop praying and started partying. I started to lose my faith. I knew that God was there but I never continued to pursue Him. The next year I started to go to church very little. I would pray when I felt it was necessary and I stuck to what I thought was knowing God.

It wasn’t until last year that I hit rock bottom and the only option left was turning to God. I found that I had demons tearing me away from God. I began to have major self-doubt, committing self-harm, and just not taking care of myself at all. It quickly became apparent to me that I tried to just ignore and push down all of the struggles that I had faced growing up. I tried to deal with them all on my own, I tried to not let any of my true emotions show. I was just a shell of a person holding it all together by a thread. One day that thread snapped and I lost sight of everything. I had my good friends and some family that I began to shut out. I wanted to figure it all out on my own. Quickly, I realized that doing it on my own was impossible.

After soul searching and moving to Siloam Springs, and meeting two amazing, caring women, I finally found what I was missing. I started to attend a Presbyterian church and it became known that I never actually knew who God was. Just attending those few services, I realized that I had been lacking the drive to find out who my God was. I saw so many people dive deep into scripture, and prayers unlike anything that I had ever seen before. I went through so much and I carried it as weight on my shoulders, weighing me down and holding me back. I never even thought that He would be someone that I could express all of my worries, doubts, problems, dreams, and ambitions too. It never crossed my mind that He could help heal all of these open wounds and open my mind to so much more.

I grew up knowing God to be removed. I never realized that he would be there when I required him most. I never realized that I could simply give my stresses to Him, just to give Him a chance to direct me through everything. I am presently going to chapel each Sunday and I have adapted more about Jesus inside the most recent year than I have as long as I can remember. I have re-committed myself to serving the Lord. Confiding in Him and realizing that He has a more prominent arrangement for me. Regardless of the battles I confront, I realize that He is there. He is with me at all times. Through this adventure, I have met such huge numbers of lovely souls. I have begun to separate these dividers that I never knew existed. I have given Jesus access to my life. I have discovered that nothing will ever be impeccable, there will dependably be agony and battle yet I have acknowledged that in the event that it is God’s will and His way, and He will never disappoint me.

All it takes is for you to will to simply open yourself up. Release the greater part of your questions and negative sentiments. Regardless of what your relationship is with God, it can simply be made strides. Our God is a generous God, who will dependably have a place for you in His heart. Jesus spared me, and he can spare you as well. He will enable you to get each broken piece you have. My trip to finding my confidence has been an extremely rough one. All it makes is only one stride, wanting to know god’s identity. Finding a place where you fit, can now and then be an overwhelming errand. I never felt like I had a place in the congregation, until this year. Regardless I go to nondenominational church now and then, however I go to the Pres church each week. I have quite recently taken a couple of various courses to assist my association with Jesus Christ. All through my voyage, I have imparted odds and ends to my companions, simply because I simply need to get the message out of the Lord.

Finding my faith is not only my story. I need to yell it from the housetops. I don’t need anybody abandoning their confidence as I improved the situation such a significant number of years. I don’t need anybody to ever be demoralized by any individual who has questions about religion. I need individuals to make inquiries, to peruse my articles and see my enthusiasm. I need you to assemble an association with our Lord and Savior, who gave his life so we as a whole should live. I look at my journey as an opportunity.